We need to talk about Owen J. Hurcum’s genitals …

… but they don’t wanna talk about it!

About the event

Owen Hurcum discusses their introductory manifesto for Trans and Non-binary rights and equality. Chaired by Gwilym Roberts.

At 25 years old, Owen Hurcum is the youngest ever Mayor of Bangor, and the first openly non-binary Mayor of any city worldwide. Join Owen and Gwilym Roberts in conversation about Owen’s forthcoming book, an introductory manifesto for Trans and Non-binary rights and equality, that examines the lived experiences of genderqueer people in a binary world.

From the blurb

About Owen

We can hardly wait for their new book. Who can forget episode 4 of Nolan Investigates which featured them? We can’t, that’s who. Fairplay for Women even dedicated a page to transcribing Their Worship’s intellectual meanderings, such were their histrionic importance.

The host

Gwilym Roberts told us he would ‘claim our own permission,’ a theme of Their Worship’s book, by starting the broadcast two minutes early! Edgy.

Gwilym is a self-described ‘local notorious homosexual, counsellor, youth worker’ whose predominant interest is in ‘gender, sex, relationship and diversity issues’.

Gwilym told us that we may be talking about rumpy pumpy and genitals later in the broadcast. Oo-er! And people ‘being nasty’. Boo! hiss!

Trigger warning for misgendering

Gwilym was four seconds into his introductory spiel about Their Worship when a misgendering incident took place. Who needs enemies when you have friends, eh?

Owen, in their own words

Owen, sat in a darkened tiny room, with a handful of people. One wench with a merry cackle generously provided the laughter track in service to Their Worship.

Their Worship’s testimony, if you will allow us some slam poetry, runs thus:

On their forthcoming ground-breaking non-binary manifesto
Don’t Ask About My Genitals

They were looking for a job and then they found a job,
They wrote up their notes from their panel talks what they’ve done,
And stuff what they learnt about queer theory,
Which was about 40,000 words,
Which is like the length of a book, innit?

They would have liked to have read their book
before they Came Out,
But they hadn’t written it yet.
Their Worship’s book can reform bigots.
We have got it on pre-order, we said.

Are you formally lobbying to change the name of Bangor to Bangtheythem?

They had wanted to this happen,
Instead they
(that is the alleged adults of Bangor Council who anointed Their Knobhead)
Decided instead to let their honorific title be,
Their Worship.
Their Worship finds that a reasonable compromise.
Funny, said Gwilym.
Hmm, we said.

On interesting terms, like heteroflexible

Gwilym conjured up the Gender Unicorn
On screen.
No two women will have the same definition for what a woman is, said Their Worship
(But how does he know they are two women?)

The joy of labels,
Is the community it allows you to find.

Genderqueer/agender is the combination they are most comfortable with.
Their Worship’s gender is a queer one, it’s not binary, but still within non-binary,
But also doesn’t exist in terms of having one!

O what a joyous label Their Worship has! Hoorah! Hurray!

Owen’s lovely joke

Their Worship told us they were going to tell
A lovely joke
‘It’s just coming up,
I’m just going to tell it,’ Their Worship warned us,
Just revving our engines they were.

This obviously isn’t true, because Their Worship was born non-binary,
The joke is:

They weren’t born non-binary,
They chose to be,
Because it’s the queerest sexuality.
If they’re attracted to a girl, that’s kind of gay,
If they’re attracted to a guy, that’s kind of gay,
If they’re attracted to a non-binary, that’s very gay.

Ha ha ha, we said, makes no sense.
Ha ha ha, Owen’s a loony.

On being multifaceted (as we all are)

Their Worship isn’t just non-binary,
But also a numismatist,
And a train spotter.

So there.

Chosen pronouns and preferred pronouns

They will never have a go at someone who uses these phrases,
Except to say,
It’s a subtle hint that the person’s pronouns aren’t real.
And they are real.
Very real.

Their Worship’s utterances reminded Gwilym of the subtle
Conversations that he has in
Queer space
Away from the gays
Of cis-hets,
Which led nicely onto:

What about transphobia and other hostilities?

The L
Community is
Constantly Under Threat
And, what’s more
It’s getting
This government
Want trans people to be
One such hostility Their Worship regularly faces is,
(saucy voice),
What do you have down there?’

Britain is one of the worst, in the same category, as
Hungary, Poland and Russia.
Poland’s LGBTQ+ exclusion zones* is
Pretty equal to what is happening the UK
Right Now.
They can’t get their gender marker put on their passport.
(Their Worship doesn’t look at their passport all that much, so they don’t care.)
On the other hand, the UK Government said,
It’s okay to torture trans kids to make them straight,
We’re no longer going to offer bottom surgery on the NHS.
Norway wasn’t gonna prescribe oestrogen,
Which is forced detransition.

It isn’t true that Norway have banned hormone treatment

*A movement against LGBT ideology, rather than people

All we want to do
Is have
A Gay Old Time.

Their Worship
Opined that
The person making these decisions calls gay people
Tank Top Bum Boys!
(Which is more clever than anything Owen has ever said, by the way.)

Representation in film and print

Wah wah wah
Once there was a ‘orrible twansphobic film
Where a man fell in love with a woman
And there was going to be some
But the bloke
Yacked up
When the woman
Showed him her todger.
Owen knows all there is to know about
The Crying Game.

Their Worship mentioned that a certain wizarding franchise,
Should be ignored.
And that no one was going to see the film,
That couldn’t be mentioned.

(At the time of writing, in the second week of its release, Fantastic Beasts had made more than $203,816,750 worldwide according to Box Office Mojo. Boy, have people ignored that film.)

All non-binary people like frogs, Their Worship prescribed

Reaction from Kermit,
On behalf of all frogs,
On receiving Their Worship’s blanket endorsement of frogs,
On behalf of all non-binary people.

Families of choice

Their Worship’s Birth Family were in attendance,
(Birthing person and ejaculator)
To their Little Lord Fauntleroy.

There is the
Birth Family,
Chosen Family.
Their Worship’s
Birth Family
Had been received into
Their Worship’s Chosen Family,
Because they’ve been,
Nothing but supportive.

It’s perfectly okay for a member of
Your Birth Family
not to be in
Your Chosen Family,
The Birth Family
Have to prove they would still love and support you
If you
Come Out.

And also it’s nice if,
You buy
Them expensive board games for their birthdays.

Owen J. Hurcum is twenty-five and three-quarter years old.

Gwilym liked to think of the people who have been
Contracted to work with him
Relationships not of choice.

Historical figures

Dad instilled into them
A love of history
And Time Team.
Their Worship’s degree is in archaeology.

Now is the Time for the
Second Era
Of Trans Acceptance.

For example,
Frances Thompson,
Was the first black trans woman to give evidence to Congress.
And Eleanor Rykener, (also John) –
– Although Their Worship hates to ascribe a gender to someone no longer living –
Was probably non-binary.
Plus, Elke Lamb!

We’ve existed for Millenia,
Their Worship postulated.
We’re not some new Transgender
And gave out a little

(The story of Elke Mackenzie, who became known as I. M. Lamb, is pretty fascinating. A polar explorer researching lichen, who underwent ‘sex change surgery’ following the onset of a terminal neurological disorder.)

The trans bladder and genital proprioception

Their Worship does not have gender dysphoria.
They’re more like,
Oh, I have
All expressions about genitals are equally valid.

It was important to understand
Them Though
You know,

Also, Their Worship exhorted us to read the pamphlet
Fucking Trans Women*
As a great piece of
Feminist Literature.

*Link opens to pornographic photos, cartoons and descriptions and earns Owen a Big Red Flag.

On the subject of
It wasn’t safe to go in one.
Their Worship holds it in,
Painful or otherwise,
Until they find
Safe to do it.

It happened to Their Worship at Cardiff Pride,
They didn’t want to go into
That Bathroom
Because what will happen there?
But also,
They were dressed flamboyantly,
And if he went into
That Bathroom,
Somebody might.

Their Worship can write
But Their Worship can’t pronounce it.
And decided instead to say that
CN Lester said it best.

How to deal with an incidence of misgendering?

Is your own safety at risk?
Back out if there is danger.
If not, go for it,
By showing you ain’t bothered.

Also, it isn’t
Grammatically incorrect.

When they were
At work
Their Worship complained, and
Their boss
Put the offender
On a different shift pattern.
Though, of course,
Their Worship was disappointed it wasn’t
A disciplinary.

Final words of wisdom from Their Worship

They would rather
Be Safe
Be Brave.

Don’t Vote
For a Party which says
Trans people should be tortured.

Almost sixty Gwilym
Is in
Utter Awe
Of the next generation.

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